Nail Polish & Unicorns

WARNING: This is a random emotional dump so if you want more then read something else.

It has been rough in every sense: emotional, physical, mental and spiritual. The toughest being wondering if I have PPD or am having violent mood swings. The other realizing I am failing spiritually.

Instead of continuing to drown in my emotional state, I started to workout which I mentioned in my March Update post. I’ve since committed to working out at least 10mins daily in hopes I’ll improve my mood and alleviate stressing over things that are beyond my control. Well I was wrong. It has boosted my mood however the same problems exist and come flooding back as soon as the high of the workout ends. Today was no different…

Started the day by exercising. I’m currently doing Slim in 6 but I’ll do a separate post once I’ve completed the 6 weeks. Played with my son who was screaming MOM at the top of his lungs by the time I was done then clapped for me after I picked him up. We watched family vlogs until I got in the shower. I prepared for my appointment and this is where things started going wrong. The appointment was mislabeled, changed then rescheduled all after I had shown up for said appointment. I decided not to complain and just continued onward to lunch. The restaurant closed at 2 which was especially annoying as we’d been waiting to go back since Saturday plus we paid for parking but we found a different place within walking distance so the parking wasn’t a total waste. At this point hubby and I were both annoyed at the events, realized we’d forgotten something due to our extreme irritation and both expressed our grievances which took up all of our lunch. That is when I told him we needed to do something to wash off the stink of these events in order to salvage the rest of our day.

First stop was taking care of what we’d forgotten and that felt pretty good because yet again we’d hit a personal/ couple goal. Then on to Starbucks for the new Unicorn Frappuccino which my hubby described as a sweet tart ice cream. It wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever had but the name mixed with the colorful appearance put an instant smile on my face and changed my perspective.

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The Unicorn boosted my mood and lead me to do something I haven’t done in what seems like months; give myself a mini manicure & pedicure. I call it a mini because I didn’t soak or massage beforehand I simply cleaned up my cuticles, clipped and shaped my nails then polished. I was running late for my religious meeting (totally my fault I was 30min off…), messed up on a nail and ended up having an unpolished thumbnail but we made it. Once we got back home and were in comfy clothing, I polished my thumbnail and for some reason the whole day felt right. The weather was perfect (rainy and cloudy my favorite no joke or sarcasm intended), we made it to our meeting, our son was asleep, my fingers and toes looked nice, my hair was somewhat done (read better than all over my head or in a knotted bun) and we were relaxing together watching Founders which kind of turned me off of McDonald’s not that I frequented the place.

However my wow moment didn’t come until after the movie. I was deciding between going to bed and reading. I needed sleep desperately but I hadn’t read in silence in a while. Reading won; Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul pt 2. As I was reading the short stories, I couldn’t stop looking at my nails. I caught myself admiring the color and the time I took to do it even with all the interruptions. Finally I came across a story that (like the book had warned/ suggested) stopped me in my tracks and helped me appreciate my day even more. I closed the book right that second so I could reflect on the emotions the story evoked. Finally the WOW moment. I was happy because of two simple things: Unicorn Frap and my nails being polished. It wasn’t huge but it sent me straight to my Gratefuls book which I hadn’t used since late 2015. I wrote down a condensed version of this post with a few extra more personal details and here I am. I felt so inspired I decided to add writing in that book to my list of things to do. I’m hoping it’ll force me to find at least one thing to be grateful for daily beyond the basics that everyone is grateful for namely food, clothing, shelter, family and good health.

I’m not sure if any one thing will help or if I need to see my doctor to make sure this isn’t PPD but I do know all these little changes will only help me even if it doesn’t fix everything.

March Update

Well things went south… Details would be boring so here are the highlights 🙂

Parent Life

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  • breastfeeding beyond one
  • trying solids
  • teething
  • tantrums
  • clingy mommy only times

Food

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  • too much so I’ll show the healthy ish ones and avoid pics of pasta, buttery shrimp, fried stuff, cookies and muffins… (avoids eye contact)

Life Changes

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  • Weight: 230.2lbs
    • it is 6:38pm PST and I’ve been drinking lots of water but it’s still bad…
  • Health/ Fitness: exercised 4 out of 10 days (3/26 – 4/4)
    • big accomplishment considering I haven’t been this consistent in years!
  • Note: I was going to write “before pics” as the caption but I already started the journey so these were rightfully captioned “IP (in progress) pics”

Self Care & Balance

Life happened and I wasn’t being balanced. I haven’t been on the diet in weeks, was eating everything in sight (thanks Pinterest not so healthy food pins) and my weight showed it. As of Sunday March 26th, 2017, I stayed awake (son still wakes 2+ times per night), drank coffee possibly ate breakfast then prepared to walk. I didn’t let my son getting back up stop me. I dressed him in his track suit and strapped him into his stroller and off we went. This started a chain reaction which included exercising intentionally, weekly pampering, drinking more water  and eating meals with more attention to health. For now life seems to be all over the place but those are little things I can do no matter what.

What I learned:

  • Don’t forget about yourself
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff
  • Appreciate the present even if it isn’t ideal
  • As long as you’re alive you can change things but it is up to you if it changes for good or for bad

Random & Other Stuff

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This blog is and always will be a way for my son (or any future children) to get to know me and hopefully to give anyone else some comfort that they aren’t alone. But I’ve been wondering… Should I include pictures? I’m still leaning towards none with faces but posting a few. My reasoning is you (my son) will have all of the ones with the faces included so having them for the world to see is unnecessary. On the other hand I’m sure I’ll want to show you your mommy’s progress as she gets healthy and shrinks down! Okay okay I just want to show my progress.

Wow you just attempted to roll over as I’m writing this (6/30/16)!! You didn’t but I’m excited now.

I’m going to be honest this is also about me and by golly I want to have evidence of how far I’ve come. Now I should be honest and say I was overweight before I being pregnant but I’d love to slim down and get even better than what I was 🙂 My constant silent goal since turning 26 was to improve in some way every year. Well I’ve been failing. Sure I’ve changed but it wasn’t necessarily an improvement. So now that you’ve arrived I feel as though my drive has been renewed. (Side note you’re angrily shaking the toys attached to the top of your play mat and it’s adorable). Must pause for undisclosed amount of time because my time for writing is up…

The pause was super long (7/25/16)! I honestly don’t remember everything I was going to write so I’ll sum it up based on what’s above.

Plans:

  • eventually post about my health and fitness journey
  • post pics of my family but our faces will be covered/ not included
  • figure out how to document buying our first home just in case we’ve moved by the time you’re old enough to read/ appreciate this
  • post weekly about whatever is going on in my world because I need an outlet
  • find an outlet because being a Stay At Home Mom is still strange for me (I’ve worked consistently for over a decade)
  • live with purpose ( I won’t elaborate on that for now because I’m still determining what that means for me)
  • use more memes because they’re funny
    • side note: anyone know if you can find the source of a meme? I’d like to give credit where it’s due or ask permission. If not I’ll attempt to figure out how to create my own