Nail Polish & Unicorns

WARNING: This is a random emotional dump so if you want more then read something else.

It has been rough in every sense: emotional, physical, mental and spiritual. The toughest being wondering if I have PPD or am having violent mood swings. The other realizing I am failing spiritually.

Instead of continuing to drown in my emotional state, I started to workout which I mentioned in my March Update post. I’ve since committed to working out at least 10mins daily in hopes I’ll improve my mood and alleviate stressing over things that are beyond my control. Well I was wrong. It has boosted my mood however the same problems exist and come flooding back as soon as the high of the workout ends. Today was no different…

Started the day by exercising. I’m currently doing Slim in 6 but I’ll do a separate post once I’ve completed the 6 weeks. Played with my son who was screaming MOM at the top of his lungs by the time I was done then clapped for me after I picked him up. We watched family vlogs until I got in the shower. I prepared for my appointment and this is where things started going wrong. The appointment was mislabeled, changed then rescheduled all after I had shown up for said appointment. I decided not to complain and just continued onward to lunch. The restaurant closed at 2 which was especially annoying as we’d been waiting to go back since Saturday plus we paid for parking but we found a different place within walking distance so the parking wasn’t a total waste. At this point hubby and I were both annoyed at the events, realized we’d forgotten something due to our extreme irritation and both expressed our grievances which took up all of our lunch. That is when I told him we needed to do something to wash off the stink of these events in order to salvage the rest of our day.

First stop was taking care of what we’d forgotten and that felt pretty good because yet again we’d hit a personal/ couple goal. Then on to Starbucks for the new Unicorn Frappuccino which my hubby described as a sweet tart ice cream. It wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever had but the name mixed with the colorful appearance put an instant smile on my face and changed my perspective.

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The Unicorn boosted my mood and lead me to do something I haven’t done in what seems like months; give myself a mini manicure & pedicure. I call it a mini because I didn’t soak or massage beforehand I simply cleaned up my cuticles, clipped and shaped my nails then polished. I was running late for my religious meeting (totally my fault I was 30min off…), messed up on a nail and ended up having an unpolished thumbnail but we made it. Once we got back home and were in comfy clothing, I polished my thumbnail and for some reason the whole day felt right. The weather was perfect (rainy and cloudy my favorite no joke or sarcasm intended), we made it to our meeting, our son was asleep, my fingers and toes looked nice, my hair was somewhat done (read better than all over my head or in a knotted bun) and we were relaxing together watching Founders which kind of turned me off of McDonald’s not that I frequented the place.

However my wow moment didn’t come until after the movie. I was deciding between going to bed and reading. I needed sleep desperately but I hadn’t read in silence in a while. Reading won; Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul pt 2. As I was reading the short stories, I couldn’t stop looking at my nails. I caught myself admiring the color and the time I took to do it even with all the interruptions. Finally I came across a story that (like the book had warned/ suggested) stopped me in my tracks and helped me appreciate my day even more. I closed the book right that second so I could reflect on the emotions the story evoked. Finally the WOW moment. I was happy because of two simple things: Unicorn Frap and my nails being polished. It wasn’t huge but it sent me straight to my Gratefuls book which I hadn’t used since late 2015. I wrote down a condensed version of this post with a few extra more personal details and here I am. I felt so inspired I decided to add writing in that book to my list of things to do. I’m hoping it’ll force me to find at least one thing to be grateful for daily beyond the basics that everyone is grateful for namely food, clothing, shelter, family and good health.

I’m not sure if any one thing will help or if I need to see my doctor to make sure this isn’t PPD but I do know all these little changes will only help me even if it doesn’t fix everything.

March Update

Well things went south… Details would be boring so here are the highlights 🙂

Parent Life

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  • breastfeeding beyond one
  • trying solids
  • teething
  • tantrums
  • clingy mommy only times

Food

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  • too much so I’ll show the healthy ish ones and avoid pics of pasta, buttery shrimp, fried stuff, cookies and muffins… (avoids eye contact)

Life Changes

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  • Weight: 230.2lbs
    • it is 6:38pm PST and I’ve been drinking lots of water but it’s still bad…
  • Health/ Fitness: exercised 4 out of 10 days (3/26 – 4/4)
    • big accomplishment considering I haven’t been this consistent in years!
  • Note: I was going to write “before pics” as the caption but I already started the journey so these were rightfully captioned “IP (in progress) pics”

Self Care & Balance

Life happened and I wasn’t being balanced. I haven’t been on the diet in weeks, was eating everything in sight (thanks Pinterest not so healthy food pins) and my weight showed it. As of Sunday March 26th, 2017, I stayed awake (son still wakes 2+ times per night), drank coffee possibly ate breakfast then prepared to walk. I didn’t let my son getting back up stop me. I dressed him in his track suit and strapped him into his stroller and off we went. This started a chain reaction which included exercising intentionally, weekly pampering, drinking more water  and eating meals with more attention to health. For now life seems to be all over the place but those are little things I can do no matter what.

What I learned:

  • Don’t forget about yourself
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff
  • Appreciate the present even if it isn’t ideal
  • As long as you’re alive you can change things but it is up to you if it changes for good or for bad

Family Day Date

As I write this, I’m listening to The Point Of It All by Anthony Hamilton on Pandora. This song sums up how I feel about my little family. I love when we’re together; that’s why I chose to make this a Family Day Date instead of a Date Night post. Call me mushy but with everything going on in the world I find my family to be a refuge thus I’m taking advantage of it by having a family date. Now to the post!

We decided to take our own family pictures because budgeting… The perfect backdrop was the beach. It had a combination of water and sand along with trees and dirt. It also gave us flexibility since we could bring our own lunch, E could move around (somewhat) freely and it still felt kind of romantic. Plus it was cheat day and this was the perfect environment for bad snacks.

Below is E and I goofing around in an attempt to get him to smile for the pictures.

The picture below is of one of the elephant seals. There were warning signs every where saying to stay away from them and not to approach for any reason because they’re aggressive. They were minding their own business while sunbathing and besides the dead pup all seemed tranquil. With that said we still gave them the respect and room they deserve because wild animal.

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These pictures are of the beautiful scenery.

All in all this was a great day. Hubby and I were able to relax during the drive up because E fell asleep and stayed that way for most of the drive. We had a pit stop so I could nurse E and grab a few things we forgot. Arrived at the beach which was unusually busy because of some sort of tour but not too many people were on the beach because of the elephant seals. We took all of the pictures we wanted then ate snacks and relaxed. It was the perfect family day date.

Baby Book Expectations

What I said:

  • I need a baby book
    • reasoning – it’ll help me keep track of all of his firsts
  • I love this one; I’ll add it to my registry
  • Yay I have it!
    • I’ll fill it out regularly

What I did:

  • Brings to hospital
    • forgets it exists because baby
  • Pulls out once during unusually quiet moment
    • imagines all the cool things I’ll be able to fill in
  •  Fast forward to present
    • rushes to fill everything in
    • extremely thankful for pictures and videos that have a date 🙂
      • haven’t actually printed any of the pictures to put in book…

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What I learned from this experience:

  • I don’t (didn’t) need a book
  • pictures and videos on cell phones make up for the book
  • I haven’t printed pictures in years so what made me think a book would change that
  • I’ve forgotten lots of stuff so some things only have the month
  • I don’t check it every time he hits a milestone

To all of you first time parents who might be considering a baby/memory book ask yourself these questions before purchasing one or adding it to your registry:

  • Will I remember to fill it out
    • most start off with basic info and hand/ foot prints
  • Am I honestly going to print out accompanying photos
    • do you have a printer at home or will you need to have them printed elsewhere
  • What am I going to do with it later
    • Will I keep it in a box filled with other keepsakes for that child
    • Do I plan on giving it to them when they’re old enough
      • Will they care
      • What will I do with it if they don’t want it

With that said I plan on finishing his entire book and apologizing to future children because I doubt I’ll do this again… I hope this is helpful to someone who is considering adding one to their registry or buying one.

Cooking with Pinterest

For most of my life I’ve had little to no interest in cooking. Sure I loved to eat but I had no desire to be the one cooking it. I viewed cooking as something I had to do rather than something I wanted to do. Here’s my timeline for somewhat reluctantly developing my cooking skills:

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The only thing that really helped me to learn more was motherhood. Now that my son is here, I keep picturing him going over someone’s house and saying his mommy can’t cook like this. Or worse him not wanting to come home because mommy’s food sucks. I should say I’m not a terrible cook just an uninterested one. I could always cook simple things like baked chicken, most items from a box and rice among other things but I’ve never really enjoyed it. However my paranoia, son and new job (Domestic Engineer) have all helped to make me care. I owe a huge thanks to Pinterest for having tons of fun easy things to experiment with. I’ve been having so much fun cooking using different recipes that I wanted to dedicate an entire post to what I’ve been up to in the kitchen.

Same recipe I mentioned before except I adjusted the measurements to accommodate the amount of pumpkin I had left overwp-1478417370727.jpeg

Most people I know have cooked one or both of these but this was my first time trying itwp-1478417138048.jpeg

Simple, easy and tastywp-1478416830520.jpeg

I would definitely consider this a fad but it was fun to do this using only the microwave
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Side note I have a Pinterest addiction in case you couldn’t tell 😉

Children – Human & Animal

Lots of things have been happening lately but the most important thing has been an invaluable lesson about the difference between the love I have for my human baby and my fur baby. Before I gave birth to my son (even up until these events) I used to think I’d love my human and animal baby the same. I used to believe I would not make a huge distinction between the two besides the obvious difference of human being the priority in the event of an emergency. Now I understand how naive I was. Here’s how my thinking has been altered…

The Eyeopener:  I went to my house early during the week in order to continue fixing it up. I left my son with my mom and thanked her for watching him. A few hours later I get a call from my sister saying she had something to tell me. She asked if I was sitting down. My heart races, I feel faint and I’m on the verge of a full blown panic attack. In those brief seconds before my mom got on the phone my mind raced about all the things that could be wrong with my son. Did he have an allergic reaction to something? Did they discover he has asthma like I do? Did he all of a sudden have something else horrible happen? But my mom grabbed the phone and simply said Oreo’s eye is swollen. Oreo is my fur baby and not once did he come into my mind as my sister started her conversation. Upon hearing it was him, I was completely relieved. I felt awful because not once did I think about him. And I felt even worse that I was relieved it was my fur baby instead of my human baby. At this point I said to myself “shame on you for being relieved” and I promised myself I’d change that in the future.

The Heart Cracker: Again I was heading to my house for the same reason as before under the same circumstances. This time I didn’t make it. Without going into too many details, I was in an accident. No it wasn’t my fault and yes everyone is alive. I needed to go to the house so I did but I cried while in the bathroom. I eventually got myself together and went back to my mom’s house. I cried off and on the entire way and I freaked out a few times afraid someone would hit me. Upon arriving back at my mom’s I cried again. All I could think about is how much worse it would have been if my son was in the car. I cried to my mom for the pain I was in, the accident that shook me up and the thought of what could have happened. She (my mom) tried her best to reassure me and remind me that he wasn’t in the car and he was perfectly safe. This was the final event that let me know there is a difference.

The Equalizer/ Redemption (sort of): While I know they aren’t the same there are still times when fur baby will win. We’ve discovered human baby can’t be trusted with animals until he understands gentle touches. One night while playing with his daddy (my husband), he sat quietly watching Oreo. He didn’t try to touch him like normal so we let him keep watching his doggie. A few seconds later Oreo gets brave and walks towards this space invader to get a closer look. This is a big deal because ever since the last incident he no longer tries to interact with his human sibling. Right as he gets closer Mr. Fast Hands grabs Oreo’s ear and pulls so hard he yelps and runs. I was angry. I immediately grabbed Oreo and gave him lots of snuggles and love. At the same time, I looked at my son and told him (in a stern voice) we do not treat Oreo (or any animal) that way. I never thought I could be angry with a baby but in that moment he attacked my fur baby. Sure I was mad but that felt like my redemption. I was reminded that no they aren’t the same but like all things in life there are certain reactions for every occasion.

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As much as I wanted to believe I wouldn’t make a difference and I’d try to treat them the same I know differently. I know while I love my fur baby tremendously he’s not the same as my human baby. I realize my human baby will come first in the event of an emergency. However there are still instances when my fur baby will win. It’ll all depend on the circumstances. But for now I walk away from my experiences with a little more knowledge and acceptance than before. I love you son and now I know my love for you isn’t the same as for your fur brother but it doesn’t have to be. The love I have for you, your fur brother, your dad and others is all different and that’s ok.