Where Have the Pictures Gone?

I’m not sure why but pictures from older posts are no longer there. My only theory is that I deleted the pictures from Media and that’s why they’re no longer there… Well this is simply my way of acknowledging that they’re gone and I haven’t the foggiest way of how to retrieve them. Sorry and going forward I won’t delete anything unless this happens regardless then I’m not sure what I’ll do.

TTC Summary

Below are the highlights of our trying to conceive journey. If you have any questions or would like details please contact me because I’m an open book.

Mar 2014 – Started tracking my cycle on a normal calendar. At that time I thought I was only supposed to mark the first day not how long and other details…

Sept 2014 – Last day of regular tracking and the first day considering different fertility apps to assist with tracking.

Oct 2014 – Found an app called Fertility Friend that allowed me to track everything! I felt extremely hopeful and excited for our next step. The amount of research I did both on the app and medical sources became an obsession. My theory was the more prepared I was the faster we’d get our BFP (big fat positive).

Oct 2014 – Jan 2015 – Tracking my cycle was going great but the temping was getting to be a bit much for me so we decided it’d be in my best interest to stop temping. If you’re interested in finding out more about temping, look up: charting your Basal Body Temperature. The internet has a wealth of information on it as well as other tips for natural family planning but be sure to research each method and the margin of error.

Feb – Mar 2015 – I knew my normal cycle lengths, luteal phase and approximate ovulation date yet no baby. This is around the time I started worrying that something was wrong.

Mar 2015 – I’d already gone through a round of everyone is pregnant except me only to be starting it a second time. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. Everyone else seemed to be getting pregnant without any issues. Little did I know everyone had their own struggle whether it was pregnancy related or something else; we all have our demons to fight. My demon seemed to be a super picky uterus… I also ended up having 2 cycles in March which made me even moodier.

Apr 2015 – Last cycle started in March (thanks short cycle) so this month felt long until my prospective changed.

I was on Fertility Friend trying to search for a glimmer of hope before my first fertility related appointment. I had already done the blood test (which came back normal) so I was moving on to the next step… The HSG (hysterosalpingogram) which is a test that checks your uterus and fallopian tubes; for more details please look up the test on a reputable website. I found a forum with the information I was looking for and it proved to be very helpful. After satisfying my curiosity, I decided to keep searching the forums for hope but what I found instead was something that would make me realize how grateful I should be. I won’t go into individual stories in order to maintain privacy but they included trying to conceive for years, irregular cycles, no cycles, costs of fertility treatment along with other issues. In that moment I knew I was focusing on the wrong thing. I wasn’t showing appreciation for all of the things my body was doing. I was only focusing on what it wasn’t doing. I read countless stories that would make a stone cry. Heartbreak after heartbreak yet I was complaining after only a short time. That is when I decided my next cycle would be different. I wasn’t sure how but I knew I’d need to change something.

May 2015 – HSG time. I was more nervous about this test then I was during my pinkie surgery. I was afraid of receiving bad news or really any news other than you’re fine keep trying. I went in on the 5th to get the required pregnancy test. The 6th I started doxycycline to help prevent any type of bacterial infection that could happen after the HSG. The 7th was test day.

May 7-8, 2015 – (Yes the test deserves it’s own date) Everything was going well until my husband said he was running late. That is when I panicked. My husband is my best friend and without him there I felt like someone stole my security blanket. I waited minute after minute hoping he’d rush in at the last second to save me from my own paranoia and self -induced anxiety but he didn’t make it. He was stuck in traffic but it was my turn so I had to go in alone. Side Note: I was later informed that they wouldn’t have allowed him back anyways. The medical assistants were great. They tried to calm my nerves and let me know the radiologist was a male so I’d be prepared. They only said this because I explained to them that I’d only had female doctors in the past. After they got me prep’d he came in and explained how the process worked and what he was going to do. I was nervous the entire time but I had no need to be. During the viewing portion as I called it, I asked why one side didn’t seem to be showing as much dye as the other. His response was “Well you only need one right?!” I was horrified. For the first time in my life I was speechless. I got off of the table (after an awkward moment that I’ll only share if asked because it was that strange…) and felt my heart sink. All I could think of was I’m broken. Thankfully hubby showed up right after and provided much needed comfort. The 8th proved to be very emotional but well worth the results. The RE (registered endocrinologist) called me to ask how I was feeling and to see when I wanted to schedule hubby’s SA. I asked her to clarify results after telling her what the radiologist said. She apologized a few times and let me know everything was fine. She also said it is normal for the radiologist to take a closer look to make sure he/she didn’t miss anything. After thanking her multiple times for clarifying what the radiologist said, I told her I’d have to check with my husband but that I’d give her a call as soon as he let me know.

We decided to try again on our own after the test since people say it can make you more fertile since your lady parts have been rinsed. We also wanted to give it one more try in order to save the money for his test since it was going to be an out-of-pocket expense.

June 2015 – Again thanks to my cycles length I had TWO cycles in May. So even though I write June it technically started 5/30/15.

I figured it out! As I was whining about the test not giving us an immediate BFP, I realized I needed to change my attitude. Pretty much all of 2015 TTC was me worrying, complaining or comparing. I needed to stay positive yet realistic. I’d try according to my fertile window and let the rest go. No more over analyzing or trying to be perfect because no matter how many things you get right pregnancy is still just a 20% chance each month (according to what I’ve read but please don’t take this as medical advice). So I approached the month with a plan to stay positive. Well that plan was challenged hardcore. We were lining things up to start our house hunt plus we were trying this new approach to fertility. We met with an amazing realtor who found us a few great options. She even helped us find a suitable lender (apparently our original one was difficult to work with but we didn’t know that). Everything was going great until our down payment option was removed and I was in a car accident. We tried everything to find another way to get the down payment including other options with our original plan but nothing worked. Then the car accident turned into a big ordeal. All of my positive plans seemed to be going down the drain. As the stress and annoyance increased TTC became the last thing on my mind. I again started to feel down but I reminded myself that my positive thinking didn’t have to be limited to TTC stuff. I was again determined to stay positive.

The Talk

When my husband and I noticed that my birth control (BC) was making me a little loopy we decided I’d stop taking anything hormone related. Since I wasn’t convinced that I wanted kids I researched natural methods for prevention.

I started by looking up natural family planning which led me to Fertility Awareness Method (FAM). In a nutshell you track your cycle in order to identify potential fertile days. Note: I won’t be going into detail because there is a lot of info and right now I want to jump into my story. This seemed great to me because it didn’t involve any chemicals and most praised it for helping them become more familiar with their body. After additional research, I learned A LOT from this method and I figured out it is mostly used for trying to get pregnant. Once we figured out that human error accounted for a lot of people’s complaints about this method we decided to seriously discuss children.

We had the talk… I was nervous at first because my husband and I only had one other serious conversation about children and I didn’t remember how it ended. I started off by telling him everything I knew about the FAM as well as the human error part. We discussed what we’d do if we had kids which included everything that surrounds the topic. By the time we finished I was even more in love with the man I chose to marry. I felt confident that we’d be good parents and that we were on the same page. Life was good.

Figuring this out…

Thank You

If you’re here and reading this then my sincerest thanks because I don’t know what I’m doing. As you can tell by my setup or lack thereof, I’m a beginner. I don’t mean beginner like she planned this out and is figuring it out. I mean I thought of a name and ran with it.

I was sitting at my desk wondering how I could keep all of my thoughts in one place versus having a million journals. I have a journal for fitness, life in general, pregnancy, etc. The more my life changed (changes) the more journals I’d buy and eventually I lost track of what I was writing in each one. That is when it hit me. I needed a blog and I’d call it Journey to Mommy! I didn’t care about the technicalities of a blog I just knew it’d be easier than trying to keep up with 5 separate journals.

Since Journey to Mommy was the first creative thing I came up with in years I wanted to keep the creativity going.
I called my husband to tell him what I’d come up with. He agreed that the name suited me and encouraged me to make it happen. When he said that I thought “hey you need to get this site locked down”. I’m not sure what he said after but he told me how to get a domain and so it began. I raced to set everything up so I could start my mental bump. I secured the domain, email address and quick start information. Well turns out buying a domain is not the same as a blog; that was lesson one. Lesson two was everything costs money when you’re impatient and don’t know what you’re doing. That brings me to this very second. Domain = check. Blog = check. Figuring out how to merge the two = In Progress…